Whispered Fear

In the shadows of the night

Her secrets whispered soft and light

Behind closed doors, where fears reside

A mother’s pain she cannot hide

She locked the door, a silent plea

For peace and solace to set her free

Her words a veil, a twisted game

To shield the truth, to hide the shame

A cycle spun of hurt and dread

Words like daggers, wounds that bled

A dance of anger, pain, and fear

A twisted tango, always near

She feared my voice, my righteous rage

A mirror to her inner cage

Yet blamed me for the stormy skies

A web of truth, a web of lies

But in the end, the truth will rise

Beyond the veil of twisted guise

For strength is found in breaking free

From toxic webs that cannot see

So, hold your truth, your voice, your might

Break free from shadows of the night

For in your heart, the power lies

To soar above the darkest skies

After locking her bedroom door, my mother claimed she was fearful of me. What she omitted was her initial outburst of screaming, yelling, belittling, and mocking me until I reached my breaking point. This reaction is known as reactive abuse – an inevitable result when someone is pushed to their limit without any release, leading to an eventual explosion.

My mother had a knack for achieving desired outcomes with subtlety, leveraging my responses to her abusive behavior as justification for increasing my medication, all the while maintaining an image of a perfect, caring mother. She continues to do the same with my son, but I can see through her words when she talks about him. I can see things that others cannot; the constant criticism around his behaviors – lazy, mean to her, doesn’t do anything and can’t do anything right, has to to "everything" for him… I don’t understand at this point, how no one else sees the repeated patterns. But she pays for his college, so he should just "take" the treatment and I should just "shut up." I'm sure she uses that against him consistently.

In the face of relentless criticism from my mother, what else is a daughter supposed to do, other than to continuously feel trapped in her environment with no escape? Enduring constant belittlement and hurtful words. I always succumbed to allowing her to spin false narratives, omitting crucial details in exchange for materialistic rewards.

Is anyone else seeing the patterns here? But I’m the one who was trying to “buy” my son’s love, with what I knew to do. I'll never understand why people believe her when she tells them I'm trying to buy my son's love. I'm broke. Always have been. Can hardly afford my basic needs, but the woman has a way with her words. She's criticizing me, for exactly what she did with me, does with my son, and everyone else. I have no money. How can I buy his love? SMH