In the depths of my soul, a paradox resides
A longing for connection, yet trust subsides
Unable to trust, my heart feels confined
Seeking solitude, a sanctuary I find
For the scars of betrayal run deep within
A cautionary tale, a lesson lived again
I build walls around me, a fortress so tall
To protect my emotions, guard against the fall
Alone I wander, in my self-imposed retreat
A shield for my heart, a bittersweet feat
In the silence, I find solace and peace
A respite from the pain, a much-needed release
But in the corners of my mind, a craving stirs
A yearning for connection, an ache that occurs
For as humans, we long for bonds to ignite
To be seen, understood, to feel a sense of light
Yet the fear lingers, a shadow in my core
Can I trust again, or will I be hurt once more?
In this delicate dance, my heart remains torn
Between protecting myself and the desire to be reborn
So I navigate this journey, with caution and care
Seeking balance in a world that seems unfair
Learning to trust myself, my instincts, my voice
As I navigate the complexities of this choice
For in the midst of solitude, a longing grows
To find souls who understand, who walk in similar throes
But until that time, I’ll embrace my own company
Nurturing my spirit, setting my heart free
After being so vulnerable with my ex and all the shit I went through with my ex-fiancé, I am working on purposely building up my walls when it comes to love and relationships of any sort. I cannot go through a heartbreak and survive right now. I cannot spend another moment wondering why I'm not good enough for someone. It doesn't mean I don't crave connection, because I do. It simply means that I'm done. I'm guarded. I don't want to let anyone in. I realize this may create future problems, but right now I don't care. I'm done being hurt and feeling broken by other people, or by myself.
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