Victoria's Secret

She told me I was worthless

Said I was fat and ugly too

She criticized and belittled

Every part of me, it’s true

But the irony was blatant

For she was the one overweight

She forced me to take pills

To hide my struggle, my weight

Constantly she yelled at me

To stop eating, never satisfied

But I wasn’t the one who was fat

It was her own reflection she denied

Her words cut deep, I felt so small

But in truth, it was her own pain

Projecting onto me, her insecurities

Her own battle with her body, her disdain

I refuse to be defined by her

I refuse to let her words bring me down

For I am worth more than she knows

And my strength will turn her frown

I will rise above her toxicity

I will love and accept myself

I am not defined by her words

I am more than her shallow wealth

I've written similar poems before, and posted this very video, too. This is something still in me, something I am constantly processing as I continue my weight loss journey. My mother's words were so deep in my brain, that when I was 18 years old, I was 95 pounds at 5'7. I've steadily gained weight my entire adult life, drowning my emotions in food, because I wasn't allowed to eat much as a teenager. She will tell you I'm lying, exaggerating, delusional, or crazy, and be unable to see the truth due to her denial of her own issues. That's okay. She can feel that way if she wants to. I know why I got so big, and I'm changing it through therapy, through my poetry, through this website, through figuring myself and my family out. The term, "The truth will set you free," can be utilized in this way too. The truth IS setting me free. I'm learning, changing, and growing, and it's so nice to be back into cute clothes. I look forward to not knowing what I want to wear every morning. :)

If you're struggling with an eating disorder of any sort, please click the following button for advice and support.

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