She told me I was worthless
Said I was fat and ugly too
She criticized and belittled
Every part of me, it’s true
But the irony was blatant
For she was the one overweight
She forced me to take pills
To hide my struggle, my weight
Constantly she yelled at me
To stop eating, never satisfied
But I wasn’t the one who was fat
It was her own reflection she denied
Her words cut deep, I felt so small
But in truth, it was her own pain
Projecting onto me, her insecurities
Her own battle with her body, her disdain
I refuse to be defined by her
I refuse to let her words bring me down
For I am worth more than she knows
And my strength will turn her frown
I will rise above her toxicity
I will love and accept myself
I am not defined by her words
I am more than her shallow wealth
I've written similar poems before, and posted this very video, too. This is something still in me, something I am constantly processing as I continue my weight loss journey. My mother's words were so deep in my brain, that when I was 18 years old, I was 95 pounds at 5'7. I've steadily gained weight my entire adult life, drowning my emotions in food, because I wasn't allowed to eat much as a teenager. She will tell you I'm lying, exaggerating, delusional, or crazy, and be unable to see the truth due to her denial of her own issues. That's okay. She can feel that way if she wants to. I know why I got so big, and I'm changing it through therapy, through my poetry, through this website, through figuring myself and my family out. The term, "The truth will set you free," can be utilized in this way too. The truth IS setting me free. I'm learning, changing, and growing, and it's so nice to be back into cute clothes. I look forward to not knowing what I want to wear every morning. :)
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