TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of rape/taking advantage of a woman/girl
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You knew I liked you, but I was broken inside
You took advantage, and it was such a cruel ride
In the back of a moving car, in the school forest, and in my bed
You had your way with me, with no care for the tears I shed
I was nothing but a piece of meat in your eyes
You used and abused me, with no regard for my cries
Like all the men before you, once I started to say no
You became forceful, and the pain continued to grow
You have children now, do you think about what you’ve done?
The scars you left behind, the battles I’ve fought and won
I’ve struggled to heal, to overcome the trauma and pain
But the memories of you still haunt me, like an unrelenting strain
I wish I could forget, I wish I could move on
But the echoes of your actions linger, like an unsung mournful song
I hope you’ve changed, I hope you’ve learned from your past
So no other soul will suffer, and be left feeling so harassed
But for now, I’ll continue to heal and find my strength
I’ll rise above the darkness, and go to any length
To reclaim my worth, and find peace within my soul
And finally let go of the chains, and take back control
So, think of me, think of the pain you caused
And strive to be better, to mend your past flaws
For I will rise and stand tall, and be a beacon of light
And no longer be held captive by the shadows of the night
While this next story isn't about rape in the sense of what people think, it's about taking advantage of girls/women, simply because the girl/women is/are eager for connection. Men know that, and teenage men want sex so badly that they will take it, with no regard for the girls feelings and need for love. This particular guy was my ex-boyfriend's best friend. While I know that's some sort of code violation and may make me seem like I'm a "Dirty slut," as my mother would say, no one wants to shame the guy. The guy who's best friend had just broken up with me. The guy never gets blamed for this kind of stuff. It's always the dirty little slut enticing them. That's typically not the case. It is always the woman's fault, never the man's, in the eyes of society.
He told me how beautiful I was. He told me we were going to be together. Yet, all he did was use me for sex and then ignore me. Knowing I wanted a relationship so badly, I allowed him to ignore me when we were not having sex. We did have sex in the back of his friends moving car, and in the school forest as the poem says. A few times I told him that I didn't want to just have sex anymore, that I wanted a relationship. He assured me that we were "Boyfriend and girlfriend," yet continued to ignore my existence in school and when we weren't doing the deed.
Later in life he would find me on Facebook. He knows what he did was wrong because he messaged me and said, "I didn't think you'd want anything to do with me after everything...." At this point, still craving connection, I replied with, "I've learned a thing or two. ;)" Insinuating that we should get together. I don't remember many circumstances surrounding this guy, but I do remember how I felt. I can feel them now, just less intensely. I felt used, I felt taken advantage of, but I chased it. I have always chased the unavailable. I have always chased the men that don't want me long term or the emotionally unavailable. And the ones that did want me, loved me and cared for me, I pushed away to chase yet another man that didn't want me. This is what happens when you grow up begging for love and connection. So while this may not be "Rape," he knows what he did was wrong. I know what he did was wrong, and pushing a woman to do something she doesn't want to do, is a form of rape/sexual abuse.
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