Tonsils

In childhood’s shadowed, teary night

A voice cried out in fevered fright

With swollen whispers of despair

Begging doctors with a fervent prayer

“Please listen,” I begged through silent screams

A child haunted by fevered dreams

But their eyes cast a knowing glance

Accusing me of false romance

“Hypochondriac,” they casually claimed

Their dismissive words, my spirit maimed

“Tales of illness,” they laughed, contrived

As I wept and ached, but still survived

Years have passed, and time has shown

In my throat, discomfort grown

The story ends where it began

Doctors with charts in their hand

Now age and wisdom kiss my brow

Standing here once more somehow

No longer whispered, fears now voiced

My tonsils’ fate, a reluctant choice

In sterile rooms where echoes dwell

A surgeon’s words, a farewell bell

The echoes of a younger plea

Resurfacing, but now set free

I face the scalpel, dreams deferred

Old pains commingling with words unheard

Yet here, at last, a quiet reprieve

As they’ve mustered now, to believe

Though time has fashioned a healing lace

I’ll remember the battle with timid grace

And the echoes, once dismissed, now find

In silence, strength of another kind

#Tonsilectomy #MedicalNeglect #RobThomas

So, I'm having my tonsils removed today. I had strep throat twice this year. I've had strep throat once or twice a year since I was 14. I don't just get strep throat, though. I have a form of psoriasis called, "Guttate" Psoriasis. This form is activated by strep throat. I break out in a nasty rash and I'll have that rash for about 3 months. More, if not properly treated. In fact, I was 14 the first time it was activated. The lovely doctors tried telling my mother and I that I had scabies. After many months of scabies treatment, being told I wasn't taking medication properly, I was finally sent to a dermatologist. I know there's another post about this either before this or scheduled to come after sometime, so I won't go into that in anymore detail. What I will say for this post, is that I've asked several ENT's to remove my tonsils. Not one person listened or treated me with respect. I was told I was a hypochondriac, that I had "Excessive worry of health," and who knows what else. I was consistently sent home with anxiety meds and told to contact my psychiatrist. Mental health stuff aside, being sick all the time and being told you're faking it, makes you want to lie about having something super bad, (which I've done, on several occasions) so that people will calm the f down and treat you kindly, and stop calling you a freaking hypochondriac. Anywho, I met this wonderful ENT. He was 20 minutes late to the appointment. I was of course, starting to get mad. He came into the room and apologized for being late. He was busy looking over my records, starting as early as 1998. He asked me, "How come no one ever took your tonsils out?" I just laughed and I said, "Medical Neglect. They all told me I was, "Crazy." He laughed the same laugh I gave him. He was kind. He apologized for the medical mistreatment I've received over my life. (There are about 4 other doctors, within different specialties that have done the same over the past 6 years) The visit was short; less than 10 minutes. I was finally scheduled for surgery. That day is today.

The body and mind are intricately connected. When one is out of whack, so is the other. When one is experiencing medical issues, unresolved and leading to MANY other medical issues, one's mental health simply cannot be controlled. This added to the chaotic and abusive life I was already leading. I can see it, I doubt many others in that state can, though. Or is it that my unhealed trauma had caused all my medical problems? Well, both are now getting better, so I guess we will never know. What we will know, is that medical and mental health are connected. Wish me luck. This shit is gonna hurt.

The opinion of one doctor thinking their patient is, "Crazy," follows that patient for life, despite abnormal lab results. I'm living proof. As well as my many clients, and many more people I know. "Crazy," trumps anything that needs to be medically done. The explanation is always, "Crazy." That is, until ONE doctor says otherwise, then things finally start to change.