The Park

We used to gaze at the stars

And hold each other so tightly

You were my light in the dark

And I loved you so brightly

I still have to take deep breaths

When I think of you and our song

How you sang to me with such depth

How you held me and made me feel strong

I remember the first place I told you

The words that changed our lives

I still go to that park when I’m blue

And wonder if our love survives

I know that you were head over heels

And I was too, but I had my fears

I was facing demons I couldn’t heal

And I left you in a sea of tears

21 years later and I’m still in love

Despite the distance and the time

No one ever compared, no one above

No one ever gave me that sublime

I wish I could hold you, kiss you

Meet your kids and give you all

But I’m just too afraid to tell you

That I never stopped loving you at all

I’ve temporarily deactivated my Facebook, trying to decide if I’m going to keep him as a friend. I’ve re-restricted his messages because he hasn’t even responded yet. (Written 04/03/2024) While this stings and hurts more than I can describe, I know my worth, I know what I deserve, and I’m going to continue to move my life forward while I decide over the next week if I can handle him being on my friends list. You’ll see me go back and forth with this as I go through poems and feelings. Like this poem, which was written quite a while ago, just typing the part about our song and all the other mushy stuff. I had to take another deep breath. I had to allow myself to feel and to process, and I’ve since told him how I felt, so the no response stings that much more. I’m still very much in love, now that I know what love actually is, but it's old love, my first love, and I now just must continue to work on grieving my first true love. Just two decades after it actually ended. I have a lot going on in my life that’s positive. I’m busy, even currently have 2 foster kids in my home. I’m not finding much rest. Finally grieving and moving on has consumed my nights. I made a TikTok video last night, making it public knowledge. Being public about my life is what helps me to move through whatever process I need to move through. Stuff I should’ve learned growing up, but just now learning. I will be okay. Just having trouble letting go but working towards it. It’s funny to me, we always want someone who’s unavailable, while passing on the people that are pining for us, and then it’s too late. I’ve passed up several dates and rejected several men over the past several months. I wonder if I rejected my soul mate, and I wonder if they’re hurting too. You never know. All for this. I’m working on it.

#Heartbreak

#Determined

#Worthy