Thanksgiving Pain

Thanksgiving, a time of gratitude and sorrow

A bittersweet blend of emotions that follow

I count my blessings, each one a light

But shadows in the depts of night

Hope whispers softly, a longing so deep

For the son I miss, in my heart, I keep

Dreams of reunion, a wish in the air

Yet reality’s weight, a burden to bear

Holidays come, with memories in tow

Aching for the presence of one I know

My life feels incomplete, a void within

Without his laughter, without his grin

The table set, the feast prepared

But a chair remains empty, a space unshared

Tears may fall, in the silence, unseen

For a son lost, in a world in between

Thanksgiving, a time of thanks and pain

A reminder of loss, a heart’s refrain

Yet in the darkness, a flicker of light

Gratitude shines, during the night

Sometimes I question my past. Did I really have a child? Is this really my life? Do I even have a son? I must be crazy that what I'm saying is true, because what kind of parents do these things to their children? How did I not see what I was doing to my own child? This can't be real, it just can't. Logically, I know these feelings are coming from extreme grief. The grief of missing my son, and not recognizing these family dynamics to be able to pass healthy dynamics to my child. I can only hope and pray that my son does not repeat the same patterns, and continue to pass the misery. I tried to fight for him in court and show what I knew, but I was molded so well through medical abuse inflicted by my mother, that no one in that state would even listen to me, or uphold my rights as a mother. I'm thankful today, for spouts of happiness that I've never felt before, despite my relationship struggles. I'm thankful for my grandpa, my dog, my adoptive mother, and I'm thankful for nature. But I will never be whole without my son, I just won't.

#Thanksgiving

#CPTSD

#GenerationalTrauma

#AdamSandler