To (Name Removed), the love of my life
We met when we were young and free
We shared some cats and a home and a dream
We laughed, cried, fought, and loved
We were the best thing that ever happened to me
But then life got in the way, and we drifted apart
We said goodbye and went our separate ways
We lost touch and moved on with our lives
We became strangers with nothing to say
But I never stopped loving you, even after all these years
You are still the one who makes my heartbeat fast
You are still the one who fills my mind with wonder
You are still the one who I want to be with ever after
But I don’t know how you feel about me now
You reached out to me, and we talked for a while
You said you missed me, and you still cared for me
You made me smile and you made me cry
But then you stopped talking to me and I don’t know why
You left me hanging and confused and hurt
You gave me hope and then you took it away
You made me feel like I don’t matter, and I don’t deserve
Maybe you don’t like who I am now
Maybe you don’t like that I’m independent and strong
Maybe you don’t like that I don’t need a man
Maybe you don’t like that I’ve been alone for so long
But I still love you and I still want you
You are still the one who makes me happy and whole
You are still the one who understands me and accepts me
You are still the one who I want to share my soul
But I’m too scared to tell you how I feel
I don’t want to sound crazy or desperate or clingy
I don’t want to ruin what we had or what we could have
I don’t want to lose you again or push you away
So, I’ll keep my feelings to myself, and I suffer in silence
I write this poem and I hope you’ll read it someday
I hope you’ll know that I love you and I always will
I hope you’ll feel the same and you’ll come back to me someday
Written 04/28/2024-The poem was written several months before this post being written, probably more like a year ago.
If you've been following the blogs about this ex of mine that I've struggled to let go of, things are much better. I feel like this is how a healthy individual processes feelings of love and rejection. My responsibilities are taken care of, the focus is on myself and my goals and dreams, etc. He's still not sent a response, at all. Not to share my vulnerable feelings, not after I unfriended him with the explanation as to why, nothing. My curiosity over the "Why" has dwindled. I just wish he would've given me the instant closure I needed, and so clearly, in plain writing, asked him for. This would've been processed much sooner, and I likely wouldn't be typing much at all anymore about it.
This poem no longer reflects how I feel, but I'm not going to waste the saved poems and emotions. :)
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