Son Christmas 2023

(Name Removed), my dear son, let me convey

A poem of love, to brighten your day

Life, my child, holds both struggle and grace

But amidst it all, beauty finds its place

I remember your graduation day

High school conquered, despite the fray

Proud I was, my heart filled with delight

To witness your triumph, shining so bright

You’re intelligent, (Name Removed), with potential untold

Great things await you, so be bold

Know that I miss your smiling face

The laughter we shared, the joy we embraced

I’m sorry, my son, for the past that’s gone

I can’t erase it, but I’ll right the wrongs

You’re special, important, beyond compare

And I’ll never stop trying to show you I care

You’re the catalyst, the reason for change

A beacon of hope, a life rearranged

Through you, others find solace and strength

No more broken relationships, no more pains length

I’ll make a difference, for mother’s and sons

For daughter’s and fathers, until hurt is undone

You’ve already done good, my precious one

And your impact on the world has only just begun

So, (Name Removed), my love, know this to be true

You’re cherished, adored, and I believe in you

Strive for greatness, reach for the stars

For your journey in life is destined for afar

Remember the struggle, embrace the beauty

And know that I love you, unconditionally

With all the love in the world,

-Mom

Merry Christmas!

Yesterday's post was about my mother's poem. This is the poem my son received for Christmas the same day since he was in town with her. I'm told by my grandpa he had a, "Disgusted" look on his face. I'm also told by a person that's asked to remain anonymous, (because our family can't be upfront with anyone, always has to be fake-I wonder what they say about me!) that my mother and son burned those letters with a lighter, (Not sure why either of them had one on them if neither of them smoke, but whatever!) and laughed while they watched them burn away. Well, I did the same thing with all of my mother's videos and letters I spent hours, days, no years making, but I didn't gloat about it. I cried over it and tried to metaphorically bury her instead.

I didn't know if my son knew I was at his high school graduation, (in a previous post) as my mother stated I would cause drama if I showed up, so I wanted to work that in here and let him know that I was there. That contrary to what my mother said was going to happen, didn't. I wanted him to know that despite everything he's had to go through in his life, he completed graduation, and I'm so very proud of him.

He is my son, and given what I've learned about my family dynamic from both parents, I will NEVER give up on him, and I will ALWAYS be here waiting for him. He too, is going to need to unlearn everything that was taught to him. Especially living with my mother from age 12 until 18 when he went to college. I will always be waiting. I will never be whole, ever. Even if I'm happily in love, (which is very unlikely at this point) a piece of my heart will always be broken.

I also wanted him to understand that this mess has caused so much good. That I started my mental health recovery and growth journey for him. So, because of him, so many people are being advocated for. Because of him, I'm determined to make a difference and make positive changes to hopefully prevent more turmoil in relationships. He's done so much good without even knowing he's done so.

#CPTSD

#ProudMama

#Relationships

#GenerationalTrauma

#Psych2Go

#TedTalks

#Magic!