As winds of change sweep through my soul so deep
Criticism and insults like shadows creep
Accusations of manipulation, doubts cast
But truth shines bright, dispelling the past
Unfriended cousin, a painful choice made
In the family’s shadows, in darkness, she stayed
Self-doubt arises, questions swirl and spin
Yet in the depths, I find strength within
The world asks for change, but fears its own gaze
Shunning mirrors, trapped in familiar maze
To transform is to confront what lies beneath
Yet many prefer the illusion, the sheath
People want everyone to change, but they don't want to do the work to change themselves. I'm so sick and tired of being told I'm manipulating my change, lying and deceiving. The problem is that people don't want to look in the mirror and do the hard work themselves. Change is not easy or fun. It's painful, miserable, lonely, and you lose a lot of people in your life. The past is hard to let go of, and I've spent countless nights bawling myself to sleep. Constantly being told I'm fabricating is just gaslighting me into reverting so that they can feel better about themselves. By "themselves," I mostly mean my mother, who is currently incapable of seeing that she has a problem to be worked on. Yet, society does this as well. "Oh look at her, she thinks she's so much better than us now. What a bitch. Look at little miss attitude who never has time for me anymore." Those are phrases I've heard over the past few weeks, actually. These "friends" say I don't have time for them and I don't, because I'm finally focusing on myself. These are "friends" I've dropped everything for on multiple occasions, put aside my responsibilities and wants to help, but rarely got even a phone call in return. As I'm focusing on myself, my careers and goals, my likes and dislikes and setting boundaries, I find myself unfriending people on Facebook, turning my phone off more everyday, and going for my dreams. That seems to upset people. But oh well, I'm just using all that people pleasing energy to make something of myself and not continue to be the statistic of my childhood.
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