Seeking Validation
- Hannah L
- Oct 10, 2024
- 3 min read
In the echo of silent nights, I typed my truths
Seeking solace in digital whispers
A screen’s glow my only confidant
Validation’s fleeting embrace
Strangers nods, a temporary balm
Once, my words weaved heartfelt tales
Yearning for an echo back
A touch of warmth from kin unseen
In the vast ether, I sought a home
A place where my heart could beat without bounds
Yet, with each sentence, a shadow grew
Darkened by whispered judgments
“Needy,” Crazy, Attention-Seeker”
Labels heavy as rain against fragile glass
And so, with a sigh, I watched my words dissolve
Now, my fingers hover, hesitant
Over keys that once knew my secrets
I scribble fragments of my soul
Only to erase them, fearing the glare of eyes unseen
Post nothing, or hide behind laughter’s mask
A meme here, a quote there, shadows of my true self
Attention I craved, love I yearned
A void so deep, silence became my refuge
The home I longed for, a mirage
Expectations, an iron cage
Wrapped tight around a heart too tender to scream out loud
How simple to say nothing
A cloak of invisibility
Shielding my bruised spirit
From a world too keen to judge
For not being the ideal, the mold they cast
In this quiet, where echoes fade
I find strange comfort, amidst the void
Silence, a companion now
Where once words danced with abandon
No more the needy, the crazed, the seeker
Just the quiet presence, the unseen
Yet, in the stillness, a spark remains
A whisper of winds untamed
Perhaps one day, my voice will rise
Not for validation, nor for unseen eyes
But for the soul that yearns to shine
Beyond the screen, beyond the lines
Till then, I walk this path unknown
Choosing silence over whispered tones
In the shadows, I find my peace
No longer seeking what was never received
But finding strength in self-belief
Starting with Myspace and continuing with Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, my life has been on public display. There will be a post at a later time explaining why I used to do this. But what I will say here, is that I was looking for validation my entire life. For encouragement, hope, understanding, connection, and care. I have been ridiculed, criticized, made fun of, called crazy and told I'm just looking for attention by posting so much and so much that's personal. People I know have unfriended me, then gossiped about me and what I choose to post on social media. To me, those people are the crazy ones. I have always posted my feelings, and shared every aspect of my life. That's what's real. Not your pictures that your makeup and hair are done while you're smiling the biggest smile ever, but I also know what you're actually going through. Then saying, "Facebook is not the place for that," is so untrue. Social media is an addiction. Showing only the good parts and pleasant parts of ourselves is what makes people feel they can't measure up. Yet, social media algorithms know how to keep you coming back, to keep you wanting more. I also get attitude when I don't respond to someone's Facebook message immediately. I apologize and give an excuse. Man, I'm just trying to stay away, because it makes me feel better. It seems like people are so stuck in their social media additions, that all they can do is judge everyone else. But hey, that's just my opinion.
Over the past couple of weeks, along with setting firm boundaries and removing more toxic people from my life, I've found that I'm more alone than ever. I'm sick of people gossiping about me. I'm sick of checking my social media for the validation and acceptance I've been craving my whole life. So, I find myself typing up something long and then deleting it, and most of the time I end up posting nothing and go back to homework, work, or this blog. Sometimes I'll post a meme or a quote that aligns with what I wanted to say. It's a shame, because I'm a big advocate for sharing my story and feelings so that others don't have to suffer. But I also found that people just don't care. They do to an extent, but not enough to show up for someone. I've found that by posting my story, I feel worse, at least on social media. So I'm pulling away from everyone, and focusing on my goals and my future.
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