My dear son, if time could rewind
I’d change the words, the actions unkind
I’d give you love, attention, and care
To erase the hurt, the pain you bear
I can’t rewrite the past, it’s true
But I’ll wait for you, whatever you do
I’m sorry for failing, for the things left unsaid
For not being there, for the tears you’ve shed
It wasn’t a lack of love, please understand
But a struggle within, I couldn’t reprimand
I love you, I miss you, more than you know
I’ll be here, waiting, for your hopeful return to show
I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it for the rest of my life; my trauma and upbringing is not an excuse, but rather an explanation on my own parenting techniques. My son deserved better, and it is not his fault that I was stuck in toxic patterns of generational trauma. Just like it wasn’t my mother’s fault that she was stuck, but I didn’t deserve that treatment either. I just wish I knew who and where this crap in our family started. Once you have that eye opening moment, you are now responsible for future actions, and that includes apologizing, even for things that were out of your control. I will never stop apologizing to my son for the trauma he experienced with me. I wish my parents felt the same.
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