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Writer's pictureHannah L

Not Funny

She said she’s come and pick me up

Knowing I was lonely and stuck

But she never showed, left me in despair

Hours would pass with no response to my prayer

Seven times this happened, with no excuse

I know they were all laughing, what abuse

To toy with my emotions, play with my heart

Leaving me waiting, no end to the start

But I won’t be a fool, won’t be fooled again

I’ll stand tall and strong, won’t let them win

I’ll find my own way, make my own way out

No longer a pawn in their game of doubt

I’ll rise above their petty games and lies

And find the strength within to realize

That I deserve better, deserve to be free

From their cruel laughter and deceitful spree


I believe I've written briefly about this. My mother's best friends daughter and I spent a lot of time together when we were kids. So naturally, as I've been attracted to relationships in which people have ill intentions, I reached out to her when I moved back to Michigan by myself after my mid-life crisis. Several times, she said she was going to pick me up and come spend time with me. She never did. She would just ghost me, not respond to me, and then later say something came up and she was, "Sorry." Knowing her, her mother, and my mother, I'm sure they laughed about how funny it was. I'm sure there were things said like, "She's such a moron. I wonder how many more times you can do it to her. What a crazy bitch to think you'd actually want to spend time with her," etc. I can see them laughing. Enjoying my misery. THAT, my friends, is how I was used to being treated. Not just by my mother, but by everyone around me. (Unless they were good people, and I longed for some sort of control my entire life, and they would also call me crazy and not want to hang around me- and I can't blame them!)

This is the picture I'm trying to paint with this website. How your environment means so much more than your genetics. How we attach to people based on what we've learned from our parents/caregivers. How when someone doesn't feel deserving of being treated with basic human decency, they will attach themselves to people and places that are bad and toxic for them. Your genetics make you susceptible. Your environment shapes you.







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