New Series Part 1

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of sexual abuse and rape

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National Sexual Assault Hotline

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Helping Survivors

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Crisis Text Line

There has been a lot of feedback regarding the last "Series" I did. So this is the first post in an 11 post series. These are tough subjects to write and to read. Each post is about a man who took advantage of me. Some raped me in the definition of rape that most people understand. Some of them didn't take no for an answer, which is still rape. Some of them were adults when I was a minor. Every instance over the following posts, will include a poem and a story about my experiences with being raped.

Women don’t come forward, their voices in the dark

Echoes of pain that never find a spark

Family, friends, authorities in disbelief

Turning blind eyes, compounding the grief

Silence becomes a shield, a bitter friend

As disbelief and shame never seem to end

Doors left open, wounds left raw

The world remains indifferent, abiding by its flawed law

Life has taught me to comply, to be still

For threats loom larger, promises of ill

Better to endure, let the torment pass

Then face the aftermath, a shattered glass

In silence, we become invisible, unseen

Bearing burdens heavy, haunted by what’s been

Yet within us lies a fire, burning bright

A call for justice, a yearning for the light

Let’s stop the stigma, and hear our cries

Give voice to the truth’s not swathed in lies

Stop shaming women for simply being born

In this fight for justice, let resolve adorn

For every woman silenced, a story to be told

Of courage, resilience, a spirit bold

No longer shall we hide in shadow’s deep

But rise and stand, our promises to keep

To every sister, standing in the night

Your voice matters, your struggle, your fight

Together we are stronger, a force untamed

Breaking the silence, no longer shamed

In unity, we find our power, our song

A chorus of survivors, steadfast and strong

So let’s change the narrative, rewrite the tale

For in our voices, justice will prevail

What I've unfortunately learned about rape, is that if your parent or caregiver doesn't believe you were raped, or is possibly covering up a rape to not shame the family or let people know they didn't properly protect their child, but instead blame the child for it, and for everything in the future that goes wrong in their lives, (yup) it opens you up to further instances of sexual assault. You start to believe that you are only a tool for men to use as they please. I've learned this means that authorities, doctors, and other's in a position of power also don't believe you, because why would someone cover something like this up? I'm here to tell you it happens all the time, more than anyone cares to know. I'm here to ask you to also share your stories. I'm here to tell you that you matter, that you are worth more than what happened to you, and I'm here to ask you to help me spread awareness on women, sexual assault, and how the abuser prevails in over 80 percent of rape trials and cases. Help me stand up for you, for women all around the world, for me, for the struggles this can, and likely will cause in life. We do this by being vulnerable, by sharing our stories and spreading awareness.

People prefer to say someone is lying because the average person thinks it's as easy as just reporting it. Well, most women do not report their rapes. Why? Because society shames and blames them. In my case, the police have a long history of not only not protecting me, but going out of their way to slap me with a ticket, call me crazy and laugh at me. I've reported many things to my small town police department. Most was never even documented, most everything else, was correlated with this bipolar disorder I didn't have, and statements from my mother saying I'm lying, but never actually investigated as they are ethically and legally responsible to do. I stopped telling my mother early on, because she would only call me a slut who "Asked for it." I stopped telling police, because the emotional pain from their treatment was too much to bear. MOST women don't lie about this. Society just thinks they do based on what the media releases.

#CPTSD

#SexualAssault

#Rape

#Survivor