(Name Removed)

In the journey of life, through highs and lows

A steadfast bond between us grows

(Name Removed), my cherished friend so true

I pen these words with love for you

Through darkest nights and brightest days

You’ve been there, guiding my weary ways

You’ve witnessed my struggles, my fears untold

Yet your friendship remains steadfast, bold

In the depths of despair, when all seemed lost

You offered comfort, no matter the cost

Your unwavering support, a beacon so bright

Shining through the darkness, cheering me on with might

Life’s challenges, like curve balls, they come

But facing them together, we won’t succumb

With each hurdle we overcome as a team

We chase our dreams, fueled by hope’s gleam

As Christmas draws near, my dear (Name Removed)

I’m grateful for our bond that will never wane

May joy fill your days, like snowflakes in the air

And the love we share, forever rare

Know that I miss you, with each passing day

And eagerly await the time we’ll meet again, I pray

Until then, my friend, hold laughter in your heart

For our friendship is a treasure, a priceless work of art

Merry Christmas, dear (Name Removed), may blessings abound

In your presence, true happiness is found

You are cherished, loved, forever and ever

A soul sister, my friend, I’ll cherish forever

I'm good at making people feel good. When I wrote this, I meant every word. This is a friend I've had since I was 15. I can't blame her for her continued reluctancy. But when someone tells me I've changed, and their actions don't match what they're telling me, it continues to add to my Imposter Syndrome and belief in myself that what they're telling me is true. I'm used to hearing one thing and seeing another, so I don't know. With this friend, I am extremely grateful for her. However, I have to try with this friend, continuously. Telling her I'll come see her, not getting an answer if I can stay with her versus getting a hotel, and constantly being told she "Forgot" about it. To me, this is another person that tells me she loves me, but I don't see it. I'm not meant to have friends. I simply have people in my life that feel sorry for me, for what I've been through, and might even admire the growth, but they don't actually want to be my friend. This is how I feel. I'm not sure it's their fault, either. I have been chronically traumatized, and I'm very different from the average person. I don't have a best friend, or any close friends for that matter. I try, but it doesn't work. I sit here on my computer and write about it, and often shed tears, because I know if I had been allowed to develop my identity in my environment, I'd be established with friends, and not having to deal with half the things I deal with. Wow, that turned into a rant!

I am grateful for this friend though. She got me through that really hard time while I was in Wisconsin, and chatted with me for a month straight while I was processing my ex. (Boyfriend, not fiance) The problem is, I don't want a chat relationship. I want connection, and people don't want it from me. Happy to have her in my life, can't blame her, can't blame me, just sucks.

#Friendship #Connection

#CPTSD