In moments where I faltered, failed to truly see
Your voice, your wishes, I ignored carelessly
Regrets now haunt my heart, for not heeding your plea
But love and change I offer, for you to clearly see
With each new day, I vow to steer us right
Listening closely, supporting with all my might
You are my world, my reason, my guiding light
Together we’ll soar, in love’s everlasting flight
For you, my precious child, I pledge anew
To put your needs first, in all that I do
Imprinted in my soul, forever true
My love for you shines endlessly, this is my promise to you
My son didn’t like my ex-fiancé. He told me that on several occasions. I believe that deep down I knew, but I was so wrapped up in thinking I needed him to survive. I knew how important this was to my son, but I didn’t listen. It’s not that I didn’t care, because I did. I just didn’t listen. I did leave him once, but went back to him, before he proposed to me. (Which I think he did only because I found out that he’d been sleeping with half of the women in our large city, and because he had beaten me so badly the night before, both verbally and physically)
My son deserved better. He deserved his voice to be listened to. He deserved my full, undivided attention. This is one of the millions of things I wish I could go back and change. Clearly, I cannot do that. When we’re healing, guilt often takes over. The guilt of the trauma and misery we have stowed upon other people. My son is my biggest guilt. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for any of it.
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