TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of rape and incest
If you are experiencing sexual assault, or have experienced sexual assault, please click the link below to be connected to the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Here, you fill find support, guidance, and help.
This is an organization that partners with RAINN
If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, please click the link below to be connected with the crisis text line.
In the depths of my innocence, you were meant to be my guide
My first love, my shining example by my side
But instead of gentle care, you showed me pain
You took from me what was not yours to gain
How many times did you cross that line
Leaving scars on a child so young and so fine?
Did my mother know of the horrors you brought?
Was that the reason her love with you fought?
Did you use threats to silence my voice
Taking away my right to make a choice?
Because of you, intimacy brings only fear
The wounds you inflicted still so clear
But I refuse to let you define me
To hold me back from the person I can be
I will reclaim my body, my heart, my soul
And finally, take back control
Though the past may haunt me, the future is bright
I’ll find my strength and stand up to the fight
For I am more than the pain you first started
I am strong, I am worthy, I am uncharted
My nightmares as a child and young adult now make sense. After all the therapy I've had, I can connect the nightmare where the devil is raping me with my father; pleasure and fear at the same time. I can also connect the nightmares of my loved ones being hurt or murdered with not only the sexual abuse inflicted by my father, but the following posts you'll see on this topic, and the layers of trauma that just kept adding to my life. My father threatened to kill everyone I love and make me watch. Apparently that's pretty common for perpetrators to do. I still have the occasional nightmare, but all the reoccurring ones over being sexually assaulted have stopped.
The very LONG three months I spent getting to know this man they call my father, I was never comfortable. I would feel stuff "Down there," like I was excited but I was also deathly afraid of this man at the same time. After hearing other family member stories similar to my own, I cut off ties, and I have not spoken to him in about 6 years now. I speak ill of my mother, I know, but she did do me the favor of moving us across the country, divorcing my father, so that I did not have to endure her wrath on top of my father crawling into bed with me every night. I should mention quick, that my father ended up marrying a woman who shared a birthday with me, but was born a year AFTER I was. They are divorced now, but yeah... He is also a registered sex offender.
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