My Cousin and I

Oh, the secrets that linger in the air

As my mother and uncle sat in despair

In the basement, where memories dwell

And stories of their children they came to tell

Trash talking and gossiping with glee

Unaware of the impact, they couldn’t see

Their words, like arrows, piercing our hearts

Uncovering wounds, tearing us apart

They don’t know how similar we are

My cousin and I, scarred by their war

Their words and actions, the root of our pain

Leaving us struggling to break the chain

But despite it all, we rise above

Finding strength in each other’s love

For we are not defined by their words

But by the resilience that we have incurred

So let them sit and gossip away

We’ll rise above, come what may

For we are stronger than they can see

My cousin and I, breaking free

My mother was recently in town with her brother. My uncle hasn't seen his father, my grandfather in over 6 years. As I've states before, my family gossips. I've slowly learned to only release information that I don't care spreads to other family members. Here's why:

Conversations with family members from my mother and uncle were shared with me. Including them in the basement at night trash talking their children; myself and my cousin who lives a few blocks from me. My cousin and I are the only blood relatives left living in Michigan to my grandpa. I remember not being triggered when I was told this, but rather feeling pity for them. They are unable to see the common ground; which is that my cousin and I have very many things in common: Broken relationships, addictions, mental health struggles, generational abuse, toxic partners, (She's currently in an extremely unhealthy marriage) feeling like outcasts, trying to voice our opinions, and more. They are unable to see that we are their children; the same blood as them. Yet, they both blame it on our other parents. My mother will blame my behaviors on my father's genetics, and my uncle blames my cousins behaviors on her mother's genetics. Then why are we so similar? It seems to me, that nurture far trumps nature here. My uncle hasn't spoken to his daughter in over 6 years, nor has he seen his grandson for over 6 years. My mother and I don't speak, and for about the same time period too. Yet, here's the toxicness of my family; my mother is friends with my cousin on Facebook. Hearts and likes her stuff, but shit talks her with her father when they're in town together. My cousin craves her love, too, and thinks I'm just a, "Spoiled and entitled little shit." (Sound familiar? It's not just behaviors that pass down, but words as well. Those are triggers!) My cousin is also unable to see the patterns. Only her misery and trauma.

It's really sad in my family, that these gatherings turn into a bunch of gossip shit talking. No one really values their time with one another, and every member has to make it about them; about what they're going through, about who's hurt them, but never able to look at themselves. I don't want to be a part of this. Everyone tells everyone your business, but expects you not to say a word, because if you do, you're a traitor.

#CPTSD

#Gossip #ToxicFamilyDynamics

#Psych2Go

#RayCharles