My Brother

In the shadows of our past

Lies a pain that forever lasts

Brother dear, I see your heart

Torn apart by wounds so sharp

Our father’s deeds, a heavy toll

Mom’s indifference, taking its role

In your eyes, the sorrow’s deep

Aching secrets you dearly keep

Through the darkness, I extend my hand

A love that steadfastly will stand

Know you’re not alone in this strife

In my arms, you’ll find solace and life

Dear brother, the wounds may ache

But together, we’ll find our break

For in this tangled web of despair

Know that your sister will always care

Each of my half siblings that I know about, they all come from my father. We all have so much in common. Not just our father's but our mother's as well.

I knew about my brother when I got in contact with my father when I was 16 years old. Fast forward to when my son was 4. Somehow I found my brother's mother. At this point, I had no contact with my father. His mother agreed to let us meet, but told me we couldn't not tell my father. My brother at the time was 8 years old, and my son was 4 years old. His mother also forced her son, my brother, who had every other weekend visitation with our father, to lie as well. At just 8 years old, he was forced to keep the secret that he knew his sister and his nephew. Our father never knew, not until I was 31 years old and I met him. We met my brother at a McDonalds, for the first time in my brother's hometown. Given my son and brother are just 4 years apart, they spent their time playing in the play place with matchbox cars. I wish the play places still existed.

His mother is similar to my mother and our sister's mother. The long story short here, is that when my brother was 14, he was "too much to handle" for his mother. His mother was engaged, and essentially chose her fiancé and his children over her own son. She decided it would be best to give up her rights to him to "get him help." Which honestly, was such bull shit. My mother always said the same thing, and I truly believe it was because they couldn't control us. Meaning, we weren't the mold they expected us to be. He was too much for her. She couldn't control him, and she didn't want to deal with him any longer. Our father also decided to sign his rights away. My brother became a ward of the sate.

Having a strong need for connection, I started the process of trying to adopt him, while living 450 miles away from him. Unfortunately, that's when I was with my ex fiancé, and my life soon went to shit. My brother and I stayed in contact, and even after I moved back to my home state. We hung out a lot. However, circumstances surrounding me paying for his cell phone turned weird. We haven't spoken, other than a few Facebook messages when my sister popped up, in about 3 or 4 years. I did send him a letter and a poem, but I did not hear back from him.

The picture I'm trying to show here, is that not only do us siblings share a father, we share very similar mothers. Society casts us out as bad children, but don't look at the dynamics. We all had mother's that hated us because we reminded them of our father, and how they couldn't conform him in to what they expected him to be, and us kids as well. We were all treated like doormats in which they wished they could control but couldn't. We all heard phrases like, "You're just like your father, stop acting like your father," etc. Us two sisters, didn't even really grow up with him. Society wants to continually blame us for behaviors out of our control, when the real blame lies with the people that chose to bring us in this world and inflict misery upon us. Fake people. Manipulative mother's and a violent father.

I know of one other brother, who is a minor. No one is allowed to contact him, and I hope his mother is different from ours. I'm sure there are several more, too. Until that day, we all wait for them. To help and heal their lives.

#CPTSD

#BrokenFamily #Family