Medical Mockery

In the shadows of neglect, a story unfolds

Of laughter and dismissal, where pain took hold

You mocked choices, my vulnerability laid bare

A callous response, a heart that couldn’t care

When I sought help, you turned a blind eye

Redirecting blame, my please left awry

Psychiatry became your scapegoat

Ignoring physical symptoms, a damaging anecdote

Crazy, mentally ill, and a hypochondriac they said

Labels that haunted, words that bled

But as life unfolded, the truth did unveil

End stage diseases, my body’s silent wail

The screams I raised, you chose not to hear

Invisible suffering, pain that drew near

Neglected and dismissed, my health declined

A tragedy ignored, a fate unkind

But now I rise, in the face of adversity’s sting

A survivor’s spirit, my voice taking wing

No longer defined by the labels you give

I reclaim my power, my right to be brave

For in the depths of my own resilience and might

I find strength to fight, to reclaim my light

I release the bitterness, the wounds of the past

Embracing a future where healing will last

May the lessons you’ve learned echo through time

May empathy replace the laughter, genuine and kind

For in the end, it’s compassion we need

To recognize the pain, to truly see

Let's say my problem was "bipolar disorder" as my mother claims. Does that mean I deserve to be laughed at? Talked to like I'm a child? Medical issues, physical symptoms and abnormal lab work looked past? Does that make me less than a person because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain? NO! Doctors are "just" human, I get that, but they are held to a higher standard than the average human, and they take an oath to do no harm. That's mostly what they've done to me, is caused me harm. A doctor would read, "bipolar," and it'd be all over. Due to my trauma, I've learned to read the slightest difference in someone's tone, facial expressions, attitudes, behaviors, and text styles. I would know by the look on the doctors face when they first entered the room how I was going to be treated. Doctors have laughed at me, been rude to me, called me difficult and non compliant when I stood up for myself, straight up lied in documentation and to my face. They all blamed everything on a mental illness I did not even have; bipolar disorder. I'm sort of just left here as this person who's been through all this bull shit, and none of them stop and think about me, or the many other patients that have been treated this way. I'm assuming they all sleep very well at night, in their expensive homes, with the boats and lavish vacations, as I continue to struggle to pull myself out of this trauma hole that they helped to create. My feelings around the doctors in that state that traumatizes me so much have gotten much less intense, but then I remember all my diagnoses, the diagnoses that keep coming in, and the fact that they are now permanent, some in end stage because they were neglected and dismissed; laughed off as if I were just crazy. Then I start to think about the millions of other people that are going through this, or have gone through this, and the fact that nothing will ever be done about it. I spiral. Knowing I have to just let it go, but at the same time knowing the injustice that is being served to so many people based on bias opinions that these "professionals" are trained to not do. It makes me mad, and it makes me want to do something about it. I'm guessing I'm not meant for a family and peaceful life, because all I want to do is fight for justice for everyone. This is a trauma response, but it's also a social justice issue. I struggle with the fine line; with putting myself first, or making a difference. I just hope that this blog can someday make a difference, so that more people can get on board, so I can finally have a break!

#CPTSD

#MedicalNeglect

#Bias #MentalHealth

#SocialJustice