In the dark chambers of my mind
Whispers of doubt, unkindly unkind
A shadow lingers, a specter creeping
Into the heart where dreams are sleeping
Eyes scan the world with wary gaze
A labyrinth of an endless maze
Where every step, with caution I tread
Echoes of the doubts inside my head
They say success is a fragile art
Yet doubt resides within my heart
A hallowed place where hope should lie
Replaced by fears that deify
Voices from my past proclaim
“You’ll never bask in fortune’s flame
Unworthy of the dreams you chase
A fraudulent kind, a common case
Fabrication of my deeds
In fertile ground, they plant their seeds
And every bloom, though bright it seems
Feels like the wraith of hollow dreams
To believe in self, an arduous fight
Against the darkness, seeking light
A journey through the stormy sea
In search of shores where I am free
But why should shadows hold such sway
When light can forge a brighter day?
If I could see through clearer eyes
The truth within these humble skies
For my worth is not a fleeing thing
Nor bound by doubts that shadows bring
But in the fight, the endless strive
The relentless pulse that keeps alive
To those who said I’d never be
More than the doubts that swallow me
I’ll rise, and though unsure
I’ll find the strength to still endure
My steps, though faltering, are true
Through winding paths and shades of blue
For I am more than whispered lore
A warrior of self-worth reborn
Imposter syndrome is a real thing. It happens to people who've grown up in loving homes, too. We work so hard to achieve what we want, despite our circumstances and/or situations, then when we finally get what we want, we struggle to believe we're capable. For those of us that we're consistently told we were not capable, it eats us alive. Throughout the day I have all the confidence in myself. I see my work reflecting in my client's progress, praise from others, high GPA and more. Yet at night, I'm constantly second guessing my every choice, my every move, and my every decision. My mother is still inside my head telling me I am lying, manipulating, not capable, cheated my way through and more. It bothers me all night long. I have zero anxiety throughout the day, and severe anxiety all night long, that is now affecting my dreams again, as well. All because I am succeeding at what I'm setting out todo. This website, is my biggest anxiety. While healing during the day, I second guess at night. As I'm writing this however, I know I'm not hurting anyone, and not doing anything other than working on my healing and spreading awareness and education. It's 2:49PM in Michigan on 06/29/2024, and I'll give it until about 8 or 9PM that the anxious that's start. I'm working on this in therapy right now.
Photo credit to the above person, who's incredibly brave for being vulnerable, sharing their story and making a difference; making us all feel less crazy for the way we feel. "Thoughts of me on Facebook"
#Feliciachiao (IG)
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