I Blame You

In the shadows where truth hides, they deflect and deny

Refusing to face the guilt that makes them shy

The blame they cast reflects the weight of their wrongs

Avoiding accountability, singing their own songs

No longer a doormat, nor a scapegoat to bear

I rise up, my voice loud and clear in the air

Their anger flares as I speak my truth

No longer will I protect the abusers, uncouth

They may try to silence me, to dim my flame

But I stand tall, unyielding to their game

I will not be cowed, I will not be swayed

For the strength of my spirit will never fade

When I hold my mother accountable, she becomes upset and defensive. She informs others that I should cease blaming her, asserting that she did her utmost, perhaps rightfully so. While I too, gave my all, I recognize that my efforts fell short for my own child. She persuades those around us that I should also relinquish blame. However, I persist, and will continue to do so until she acknowledges her errors. Only then will I release my blame.

My mother refuses to take responsibility for the way things turned out. Throughout my life, I hardly ever heard her apologize. Instead, she would say things like, “My best wasn’t good enough for you, I’m sorry but you’re difficult, I’m sorry but you did this wrong, I’m sorry but you’re ungrateful, I’m sorry but I had no choice.” While she offered apologies, there was always a “but.” They never felt genuine. She tells others that she did too much for me and she is repeating the same mistakes with my son, believing she is saving him.

I am not responsible for the trauma inflicted upon me, starting when I was an innocent infant. I refuse to be the cause of her suffering any longer. Instead, I acknowledge her own trauma but will not allow it to continue to hurt me. Until she works on herself, the blame remains with her. I am not just a victim; I am a survivor. I have the right to share my story openly and without shame.

It is a common trait for an abuser to exhibit this type of behavior. When their defense mechanisms are activated, they become unable to recognize their own faults. While society may advise individuals to take responsibility for their own problems, it is important to recognize when blame is warranted. In these cases, placing blame on the abuser is necessary in order to empower the victim and validate their experiences. It is okay to assign blame, but it is important not to let it consume you.