In moments of emotion, hunger stirs within
A bond with food, where memories begin
When sadness looms, and tears cascade like rain
I seek the solace that food can contain
For in my youth, I watched my mother’s care
As food became the balm to soothe despair
Her comfort found in each culinary delight
Love and connection bloom, a comforting sight
So, in hunger’s call, I find a link so true
To moments shared, both old and new
Through food, emotions intertwine and mend
A legacy, from mother to child, without end
Healing comes with many revelations. Sometimes they are little and seem insignificant, but I’ve learned that every experience we have means something. I struggled with food my entire life. In fact, my entire adult life I have been overweight, considered obese by doctors. After my early mid-life crisis and revelation of my life and things I’ve been through, I ended up having bariatric surgery in September of 2023. I’ve worked with my trauma therapist on my food addiction, and realized that my overeating was simply about connection. It’s how I best connected with my mother. It’s what I watched her do when she couldn’t cope with her emotions. She was also a super good cook, and food became a comfort for me. As of today, I’ve lost 103 pounds. I’m still considered overweight, but I’ve been knocked out of the “obese” category. I’m about 50 pounds away from my goal weight, and I have a very different relationship with food. I don’t like it like I used to. I mean, food is good, but it all sort of tastes the same and blends together. I eat to fuel my body. I’ve worked through my triggers surrounding food, which don’t only revolve around my mother. Like a substance, I’ve learned to replace those behaviors with things like taking my dog for a walk, exercising, even something as simple as picking up a pen when I’m hungry, so that I can train my brain to think I need to write, instead of grab food. Every day, I make a conscious decision to control the behavior, and it’s starting to become automatic. I’ve never felt better in my life. Eating healthy, not smoking or drinking, following my dreams and passions, and my mental health has also never been better. There are always set backs, but it’s what we do with our set backs; how we learn and grow from the mistakes we make, that define our next moves. I have never in my life felt better than I do today.
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