How Many Times?
- Hannah L
- Jan 11
- 4 min read
How many times must a child flee
Before their cries are heard
How many scars must they bear
Before their pain is observed
I ran away from home so many times
But you only questioned me
I carry the marks of chaos within
But you never seemed to see
Where is my apology, my justice, my recognition
I am not just a troubled girl
I am a child in need of love and care
Not someone to be dismissed with a laugh and a twirl
I long for understanding and empathy
Not judgement and ridicule
I am crying out for help
But all I hear is the sound of silence’s cruel
So how many times must I run away
Before my truth is finally seen
I am not just a crazy girl
I am a child longing to be free
This is another small town police department poem. I can't begin to recount all the unethical and down right abusive treatment I endured from this police department. Laughing at me when I tried to report the things going on in my home, being gaslit by told I'm lying and asking me why I'm lying, hell, I even reported being molested by my mother and it wasn't investigated. (Truth be told, I don't know that's true. It was something that was blurted out. Likely from the nightmares I used to have about French kissing her as child while my father was on the floor, naked, and playing with himself.) Regardless, the officer said to me, "I'm not sure why you would lie about your mother like that. I don't think you want to make that statement, do you?" Of course I said no. There once again, is nothing in my police records about that statement. The law states that must be reported, but it wasn't.
Running away from home was normal for me. I didn't consciously know why I was running away so often. I do now, I was running from her. I was running from the nightmare I lived in. Now when I see children on the news that are missing, I wonder what they are dealing with at home, while I watch the public talk about these, "Out of control kid," and shaming them and calling them names. Great job adding to that teens trauma society, regardless of whether or not they are being abused at home... Any who... Since I talk about this police department so often, I'll try not to get off subject here.
Another way this police department loved to break the law and their own polices regarding runaways, (pointed out when I mailed them their package, by the way. The information was taken directly from their website on the law, the law that their officers so often broke when it came to me.) Most of the time I ran away, it was after being berated by my mother. I was constantly trying to get away from the pain. She would call the police immediately. The police Never waited the 24 hours. They would take their bored selves and come try and find me immediately. They would take me home, get irritated with me, call me names, gaslight me and tell me how much, "I need help." These officers would get into their personal vehicles so that I wouldn't see a police car coming. They would force me to get into their personal vehicles with threats of taking me to jail and pressing charges on ME for running away.
At no point, did any of these officers, ever, in the extensive history I have with them, did they question why I ran away so much. They just continued to listen to my mother; Bipolar, out of control and off her meds. When in reality, yeah, I was off my meds, because those were the times that I was able to fight because I wasn't doped up on so much medication. Those are the times I got sick of taking her abuse, manipulation, and berating. These officers never listened to me when I explained my home life, I was always lying to them. Not once, was one single claim against my mother ever documented or reported to anyone. Every one of those officers was so concerned about my poor mother's feelings, and her "Sacrifices" for her "Ungrateful" child. Come on guys, read the sings. Do better. The law is in place for a reason, so situations like this don't happen. How many bull shit tickets could I have avoided, how many toxic relationships could I have avoided, how many hospital visits could I have avoided, if you had made one single report, like the law states? How much of this is actually your fault? How much did you contribute to my trauma and my now bi-weekly therapy? How did YOU create this situation I'm in right now? Children that are abused go through this a lot, authorities no listening, not filing claims, and breaking their own policies and laws due to their opinion of the situation. The law is there to prevent things like this from happening.
I'm still trying to pull myself out of this slump that started the day I was born. I'm still fighting for myself, my life, my peace and happiness, while I'm fighting for the rest of the world. How many other, "Troubled teens," have you abused and neglected in this way, and continue to get them in trouble for NEEDING HELP?" Clearly, I'm still very heated over this, and I have every right to be. I ran away so often because I was in danger. Maybe not physical danger, but severe emotional danger that has caused a lifetime of suicidal ideation and self-harm. (Free of it all for 7 years by the time this is posted-common denominator? NO MOTHER) Do better. Follow the law. Protect and serve.
Comments