Holding on, Letting Go

I held on so long, afraid to let go

Embarrassed by my actions, unsure of his show

Trauma and familiarity, a comfort so strange

Bound me in silence, in a hesitant exchange

I let go when his heart didn’t reciprocate

Realizing love can’t be forced, nor can it wait

His ex’s shadow, a spell that was cast

Years have passed, and I’ve come to see

It wasn’t meant to be, and now I am free

Acceptance blooms where pain used to grow

In letting go, I’ve found my own flow

Finding out the reasons for holding onto someone is mostly necessary to move on. I can't say that I'm fully over it, but mostly because I spent 20 years not letting another man measure up to the idea I had in my ex, and latching onto unhealthy and toxic individuals. That's just it though, I loved him so much, my first love. The feelings were deep, and stuck with me all these years. What I'm not over now, is that I wasted so many years waiting for him to come back, and once he did, once he reached out, it wasn't for the reasons I was hoping. Now I have to let go of the idea of this major love story that I thought would happen someday, focus on myself, and allow my one true love to find me.

They say that you have 3 loves. One good one, like puppy love. One toxic one, like my ex-fiance, and then your true love. Sure, you can have several other relationships, but they're not actually love. I don't know if this is true, but if it is, I've gone through the first two loves. Maybe the third love is simply myself. Either way, it's great the ex reached out. It's great we met for coffee and spent a few hours together. It's allowed me to work through this all, and realize what I want.

Photo Credit to Alpha Holden on Facebook

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