Facade of Love
- Hannah L
- 14 minutes ago
- 2 min read
She paints her world in hues of grace
A beacon of hope in a digital space
Her Facebook blooms with love’s embrace
Yet in her heart, there’s a darker place
To strangers, she offers compassion’s hand
A saintly figure, a love so grand
But within our family, her kindness fades
Replaced by shadows, bitter shades
Her words to me, a cold disdain
A mystery of hurt, an unknown pain
I search for reasons, lost in the fray
Why her love for me has gone astray
I yearn for a family, a place to belong
A chorus of voices, a unified song
But in their eyes, I’m just a ghost
A silent figure, a forgotten host
So I stand alone, in the quiet night
Seeking solace in my own light
For though their love may never be
I find strength and peace within me
With yesterday's post being about the cousin that lives literally down the street from me, I thought about my other cousin. I have many, but this specific cousin was another cousin I admired in my life. Another cousin who likely didn't ever and doesn't ever think twice about me. I used to watch her Facebook and smile. Like I was happy for her despite how she thought about and talked about me. All I ever wanted was to be close to her. Growing up, I remember thinking how cool she was, and like my other cousin, how I wanted to be like her. There was this stupid misunderstanding at our grandmothers funeral many years ago. I'll explain this situation in another post; the family series that's coming up sometime in the future. All I will say here, is that her Facebook is full of sayings like, "You never know what someone is going through, only love matters, give people a break, mental health matters, love them while they're here, when they're gone it's too late," etc. It hurts me deeply, as I used to have that mindset myself, but I got tired of begging family members to love me. I got tired of admiring people who couldn't care less if I lived or died. I just got tired. I still wish her well. I hope that she seriously reflects on the posts she posts on Facebook, and thinks about it and looks inward to see if she really believes the things she posts. I admire and respect myself now, and am no longer looking to older cousins for direction. Once I grew up, I realized they both couldn't stand me. I was just a lost kid who loved and admired the wrong people.
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