In the silence of the night, a whispered plea
Hiding scars beneath smiles, no one can see
Words like daggers pierced her fragile heart
Torn between love and tearing apart
Alone she wept, in the waters deep
Isolated and afraid, no solace to keep
“Why didn’t you just leave?” they ask with disdain
Unseen chains of fear, a relentless domain
Blame casts like stones, upon her wounded soul
As if her own actions created this toll
Victims’ voices drowned in a sea of doubt
Their cries ignored, their struggles left out
But listen, oh world, to the truth untold
The fault lies with the abuser, cruel and cold
In the darkness of abuse, she fought to survive
Invisible battles behind closed door strive
So, let us rise, break the cycle of shame
Stand with the oppressed, stop playing the blame
Offer support, a beacon in the night
For victims of abuse, a guiding light
Let empathy and understanding be our creed
To uplift the broken, to champion their need
Together we stand against violence’s rage
In unity and love, let’s turn the page
If you or anyone you know are experiencing domestic violence, please click the link below to be connected with resources, advice, and support.
People don't believe you've experienced domestic violence, because abusers are great at what they do. They really are masterminds, without even consciously knowing what they're doing. They break you down mentally and physically. You'll be so gradually isolated, that you won't even realize it's happened. Your behaviors will present in erratic ways, in which your friends and family start to be afraid of you, so when it comes time for you to finally feel like you deserve better, no one is there for you, nor are they willing to help you. Shit, I was okay with giving placement of my son to his father because I knew he'd be safe there, and he wouldn't be with me. I had nowhere to go. After three months of being on the domestic violence list in Madison, Wisconsin, and having to call every single day to see if there was a spot open, I lost my mind, literally. I was likely legally insane for a while, after decades of trauma buildup, and a couple years with this man, whom I didn't realize what was happening. (But because of him, spotted it in this guy who had my number for 3 whole days before I blocked him-for a later post!) I did everything right. I had been trying to get out for months, all while fabricating to my ex-fiance about every aspect of my life and his. Selling off both his stuff and mine, trying to save money to get out, often resorting to things that were, um, not okay to do. I don't even remember it all. I still have mixed realities between what happened, and what is made up in my dream.
Some things I got so sick of hearing from people were, "But you were always smiling in your photos, it couldn't have been that bad. Why didn't you just leave? I would've left long before that. I would never let a man do that to me. There's no way it was that bad. Stop lying. Well you're just stupid then. Just let it go. Just get over it. How could you let someone abuse you? It couldn't have been that bad since you stayed so long. If that's true, why didn't you press charges? I know him well, he wouldn't do that," and SO much more. This also meant that I didn't deserve anyone's help, because I was a lying idiot. Everyone would say I'm a bad person for allowing this to happen, and that I must have deserved it. My ex-fiance made decent money and paid his bills so that's just not possible, but on the other hand, shamed me for dating someone who has a felony for selling drugs. Being called mentally ill repeatedly, was the reason I was lying. This, "Bipolar," was used for EVERY FUCKING thing in my life. It was the reason I stayed with him so long, did you now that? To this day, not one person has held him accountable for the things he did to me. Not for the endless nights of blood and bruises, not for the words that still sting to this day, not for isolating me from everyone I knew and loved through the use of slow manipulation, NONE of it. This is why people from Wisconsin, or a small part of the reason, say that I'm fabricating my change and success. Because I still talk about my trauma. No. It's because I'm FINALLY speaking about it. With a clear mind, not on any meds, finished college, in my grad program, and a clinical social work intern. But I'm just lying. None of it happened, but for some reason, I've devoted my life to bring other's out of the darkness, while I lay in bed at night still wondering why I'm not good enough for anyone. But yeah, I'm lying.
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