Dear Mother

I don’t understand

the choices you made

to keep me, to raise me

when all I ever felt like was a burden

I wonder sometimes

why you didn’t just let me go

give me a chance at a different life

one where I wouldn’t feel so unloved

But I realize now

that this is not about me

it’s about you and the pain

you carry deep within

I wish I could understand

why you did the things you did

but I can’t change the past

I can only work on myself

I may blame you

for the trauma I endured

but I also know

that healing is in my hands

I won’t be life my father

I won’t let my past consume me

I will use my voice

to speak up for other children

I hope one day

you can find peace within yourself

so you can finally be happy

and I can let go of this pain

Sincerely,

Your only child

This poem stems from my longing to have been adopted, with my father being a minor and my mother struggling. I often ponder if my life could have been healthier, had I been raised by two healthy, non-toxic, untraumatized parents. Thoughts of "what if" consume me.