My grandma came to help me out
But what I got was gossip and doubt
She and my mother whispered and sighed
Saying I was just being a crybaby inside
I thought they’d life me up and care
But all they did was judge and stare
My mother, worried about her own appearance
While I lay in pain, with no interference
I needed love and support so dear
But all I got was judgment and fear
It’s hard to feel so alone and betrayed
When you thought your family would come to your aid
But I’ll be strong, I’ll rise above
I don’t need their shallow love
I’ll heal, grow, and stand tall
And leave behind their hurtful gossip and all
I’ll find support in those who care
And leave behind the ones who just stare
My strength will carry me through this fight
And I’ll find peace in the darkest of night
My mother was a slob. (Her words, not mine) Whenever family would come to visit, she'd go insane cleaning. She be frantic while cleaning. She'd be a nightmare of verbal abuse, yelling and screaming derogatory names at me because I'm not cleaning right. Giving off the false illusion of how we actually lived.
Due to medical issues that Wisconsin claimed I didn't have, (Yet gave me so many surgeries...) I was set to have a hysterectomy in 2007. The first of many surgeries to follow. My mother's mother was coming to, "Help." My mother did her typical cleaning routine before family comes. Here I am, in an immense amount of pain, recently had a stillbirth, getting screamed at to clean because, "Grandma is coming." Nonetheless, the house was clean when she arrived.
How we cleaned wasn't good enough for my grandma. My grandma found many things to nitpick at. Which after she left, my mother would scold and berate me for. My grandma looked disgusted at how we lived. I promise it was clean... "I can't believe you live like this." Was what my grandma said multiple times.
Fast forward to my surgery. Everything was going as I wanted at first. My grandma and mother were kind and caring as I went in. It was when we got home, that there was an issue. Such an issue in fact, that one day after surgery I went to stay with a friend, and ended up spending the night with my ex-boyfriend.
As I'm laying on the couch after just having my uterus and appendix ripped out of my body, I can hear my grandma and mother gossiping about me. They were calling me a, "Crybaby." They were gossiping about how whiny I am, and how I'm overreacting. My mother got on the phone and called some family members to let them know how I was doing. She was saying things like, "You know (Name Removed), she has to make everything so much worse than it is," and more. Now mind you, I am only 21 years old. I had been experiencing excruciating pain for years and doctors didn't listen to the point that I needed a hysterectomy. I was still recovering from a still birth with twin girls, and dealing with the fact that I will never be able to have more children. My family is so toxic, that I could hear them on the other end of the phone agreeing with my mother. Feeling bad that she has to, "Put up" with my behaviors following surgery. It's like my entire family gets their rocks off watching me in pain and making fun of me.
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