Critical Grandmother

A woman of stature, so elegant and wise

But beneath the surface, a coldness in her eyes

She valued money and status above all

And in her world, people would rise and fall

Her critical nature, a sharp and cutting blade

She couldn’t see her flaws, they were all carefully laid

She passed on her selfishness, her desire for more

And with each generation, it only grew more

My mother, too, was molded by her ways

Unable to break free from the selfish maze

And now I see it in myself, the same selfish desires

A family curse that’s been passed down through the wires

But I long to break free, to find a different path

To value people over money, to show genuine love and not wrath

I’ll strive to be better, to break the cycle and the chain

And leave behind the legacy of selfishness and pain

For my grandma, though flawed, still held a place in my heart

I’ll remember her with love, but I’ll choose a different start

I’ll break free from the burden that’s been passed down to me

And create a new legacy of love and empathy

My grandmother, my mother's mother, was not a nice person. The song you'll see in this blog was played at her funeral. I remember being there and thinking about the legacy my grandmother left behind. At the time, I just remember feeling confused. Again, feeling that the toxic and manipulative behaviors she passed down were normal. I remember crying, feeling guilt, shame, and embarrassment. Now, this song has an entirely new meaning for me. It's just confirmation of how generational stuff works; how our behaviors are passed down through families. It makes me sad for the people that were victims of my grandmother, and of my entire family; both knowingly and unknowingly. It makes me sad that my grandmother was never able to wake up and notice it herself. But I only have love left for her, because you can't know what you don't know. We were taught that things and money equal happiness, along with marrying rich meant you were successful and worthy of respect.

#GenerationalTrauma

#CPTSD

#Generations

#SaraGroves

#Trauma