In a world where change is met with doubt
Criticism whispers, shadows about
Yearning for growth, shedding the past
Yet voices linger, skepticism cast
Family ties, a tangled embrace
Critique disguised, a familiar face
Striving for better, evolving within
Accusations fly, a constant din
Unfriending ties that drain the soul
Protecting growth, mending the whole
Apologies scarce, pride standing tall
Toxicity fades, as boundaries call
In the quest for peace, one must choose
To nurture their soul, to shred the bruise
For in the end, what matters most
Is the love we give, the kindness we host
I grew up being told that I needed to change, that something was inherently wrong with me, and from a very young age. Every time throughout my life I tried to change, I was told that I was fabricating it, that it’s not possible, that I’m “manic,” or not capable of the change so I must be lying. Much like winning at card and board games with my mother; I must be cheating because there’s no way I could beat her. I am a completely different person, with some similarities. My mother still says it’s not possible. She still says I’m manipulating everything and everyone. The more I try to prove myself, the more she becomes verbally and emotionally abusive through the use of other family members. The problem is, it’s no longer me that needs to change. It’s the denial that my mother and other family members are experiencing, and the fact that they feel they now must make changes and look inwards. People don’t want to do that. Humans don’t like to hear what they’ve done wrong. There are still times I try to prove myself, try to be worthy of her love and respect, but it doesn’t affect my life or mental health anymore.
I’ve also learned to unfriend people and stop talking to people without feeling bad about it. I recently unfriended my cousin, because like my mother, the more I change, the worse her behavior becomes towards me; the worse her subtle abusive language and not-so subtle attacks become. I’m maintaining my peace and protecting myself, for now and forever.
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