A storm of hurtful words, a barrage of pain
My cousin’s anger, like a crashing wave
I gave away her blanket, unintentionally
And now she won’t forgive me, won’t let it be
Her messages stung, contradictory and sharp
Accusations of selfishness, tearing at my heart
Generational abuse, and suspicions of drugs
The weight of her words, like a heavy thud
She called me selfish, for being in despair
For seeking help, for needing care
She berated me for letting grandpa lend a hand
Her hate for me, she made sure to expand
I tried to apologize, I tried to mend
But her walls are up, her anger doesn’t bend
I love them, I told her, I love them so
But her pain and anger, just continues to grow
I pray for healing, for peace to come
For the wounds of the past, to finally come undone
But for now, I hold onto hope and grace
And pray for love to take its place
Here's the story: I was a board member of a non-profit organization that fed the homeless population in my city. We also passed out clothing, toiletries, Narcan, and more. It was December, there was no snow on the ground, but this one woman was very cold and had minimal clothes. The owner of this non-profit was extremely disorganized, and I told her I had two blankets in my car, and to grab the one from the front seat of my car. She didn't. She grabbed the blanket from the backseat, the blanket my cousin got me for Christmas. I had no idea until one day, I was going to go to my cousin's house to do my laundry. I was out of money, and had asked her. All of the sudden, about 1.5 hours before I was supposed to be at her house, (she lives just a few blocks from me) I got a super nasty message. "BEFORE you come do your laundry at my house, tell me, did you REALLY give away that blanket that my son so carefully picked out for you that took me hours to make?" I don't remember my exact reply, but I do remember not understanding what she was talking about. I was about to head into my therapy session. Then I had this sort of epiphany; "I wonder if (Name Removed) took the wrong blanket. So I looked at the pictures that were posted from that day, and sure enough, it was the blanket my cousin gave me for Christmas.
I immediately apologized, profusely, and likely explained way too much, I told her what had happened. I told her I was sorry and that I was about to head into therapy. When I was done with therapy, I was bombarded by abusive messages. Name calling, accusations, and downright nastiness. There was back and forth for a few minutes. She contradicted herself so much. She told me it took her son an hour to pick out the blanket, then she told me it took him 3 hours. She also told me it took her 6 hours to make, then 2 days to make, and at one point it took her 4 weeks to make. (Do you see what's happening here? Even after admitting a mistake and apologizing, even though it wasn't my fault completely, she's trying to make me feel worse!)
I sent her one last message before I knew I was going to need to mute the conversation. As it was simply a mistake, I had apologized and all. I told her that I loved her, and that her family wouldn't have received all the poems they did if I didn't. I said to her, "I hope you can forvie me." Instead of responding nicely or not responding at all, she tried to make me feel even more guilty. "You can come back and get all your gifts, I don't want them. That's the shittiest thing anyone's ever done to me. I don't want to see you right now." She never re-offered for me to do my laundry. I found myself still likeing and hearting her facebook posts, until one day, I'd had enough. I made a comment and she chose to comment and like everyone's comment but mine. I realized she was causing me more stress than necessary. I unfriended her and her husband. This is my fmaily. This is how they are with each other. I can't blame her for thinking I'm lying, because that's all she grew up with, with her parents as well, but a genuine apology was made and she continued to berate me, just like my mother.
By the way, it's Christmas Eve. I hope you're resting peacefully, and have family and/or loved ones to spend the day with. :)
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