Charcoal Grill

In the dimming light, a grill did wait

Its flames unseen, its fate abate

You, hesitant, unsure to ignite

Fearful of the consequences in the night

A call to grandpa, guidance sought

Five times you rang, the answers caught

Yet upon arrival, the deed laid before

Not as desired, met with a glare

Words of anger, harsh and loud

Thrown like stones into the crowd

A laptop hurled, a storm of pain

While the chicken cooked, amidst the disdain

In the shadows cast, a lesson learned

Of fires lit and tempers burned

Not all is as it might seem

In the silence of a broken dream

There’s so much to domestic violence. Victim’s live in fear of every choice they make, every piece of clothing they wear, the music they listen to, how they do their hair, how they organize the fridge, I mean, the list is endless, and despite the millions of scenarios running through our heads, we rarely get their reactions, or abuse right.

My ex-fiancé called me from work and asked me to get the grill ready so he can cook chicken when he got home. I told him I didn’t know how to do that. He told me it was easy, and I even said, “I don’t want to do it wrong and make you mad.” He replied with, “It’s easy. You’ll do fine.” Knowing I wouldn’t be fine, I called my grandpa about 5 times and asked how to properly light a grill. He was getting irritated, not understanding why I couldn’t follow directions. (I’ve never lit any kind of grill before at this point) Anyway, I gave it a shot. The grill was lit, and I felt like I did a good job.

He gets home and runs in the house screaming about how stupid I am, and “What kind of moron doesn’t know how to light a grill, what the fuck is your problem, why are you so stupid, you can’t do anything right, you’re a fucking stupid retarded cunt. You dumb fucking retard.” He was so mad that he grabbed his laptop, and he threw it at my head, left yet another bruise that I had to dismiss my son for over the next week, so he didn’t see… And my son again, thought I was purposely abandoning him. I was only keeping him safe, in the way I knew how to.

The ironic thing here is that he didn’t touch the grill in any way. He cooked the chicken, and it turned out well. (He was a fantastic cook) He said to me, “You’re lucky it turned out good. Otherwise, you’d be hiding for a fucking month.” After each incident similar to this, he'd be cuddly that night. He'd hold my hand, tell me how much he loves me, how beautiful I am and more. He never apologized to me once, not for anything, and especially not for cheating on me with half of the women in the city we lived in.

#DomesticViolence

#Survivor

#CPTSD