TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of shaming people who self-harm and feel suicidal
Day Three
I hear your pain, your silent cries
Beneath the surface of your eyes
In shadows deep, your troubles hide
Yearning for a place to confide
Society’s whispers cut like a knife
Adding darkness to your strife
But I know, dear heart, you’re not alone
Your worth, a truth yet to be known
Your struggles, real and deep inside
Deserve compassion, non denied
Seek help in those who understand
Who offers a gentle, guiding hand
For in this world, so vast and wide
Your presence is a vital tide
Your story still unfolding bright
Embrace the day, embrace the light
So, hold on tight, don’t let go
Your worth is more than you know
And in this journey, face each bed
Your strength and courage, the colors you’ll blend
If you or anyone you know is struggling with self-harm, please reach out to the crisis text line. You can text #988, or you can follow this link.
When my mother would be asked why I cut myself, her response would be "She just wants attention." My mother would claim that I'm selfish and that I require too much of her time. She'd let people know how annoyed she is, how ridiculous my "attention-seeking" behavior is, and that I'm just a spoiled rotten brat. Naturally, my teachers would say the same thing. The kids that were already bullying me, would say the same thing. I was not only the new kid, but I was the weird, impressionable, gullible, hyperactive kid who was cutting herself in school. I was mocked, bullied and so much more.
In hindsight, they were all right. I was seeking attention and concern. Attention to my home life. Attention to not knowing what was happening to me and for someone to notice. Attention for love and healthy direction. I was screaming for help. Yet, all the world saw was that spoiled rotten little brat with such a perfect mother who does everything for her.
When it came to my suicidal thoughts and other behaviors, my mother would say similar things. Things like, "She's using it as a weapon to get what she wants. She uses the threat of suicide as a way to make people feel bad for her. She's not actually going to do it," and more. I can promise you the feeling of wanting to die was very, very real, and it shouldn't matter if these are the reasons. Someone could die, I could've died, I did die, for three seconds. That part never seemed to matter to anyone. What mattered to everyone, was doping me up with medications that never worked, and only made things worse.
Paying attention can save a life. Giving attention can save a life. Being kind can save a life. But treating people with such disrespect and biased opinions can kill people, and it does kill people, every day. The suicide rates are higher than they ever have been. Don't overlook the child who just wants "attention." They may be suffering with more than you could even dream of in your worst nightmares.
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