In a world of fleeting glances, she stands tall
A woman of grace, yearning to give her all
Unclaimed by the bonds of marital vow
Her heart seeks the one to whom she’ll endow
As seasons pass, she savors solitude’s touch
Dreaming of love that will never be too much
In the depths of longing, her spirit does soar
Hoping to find the one whom she’ll adore
Eyes of kindness, a smile that ignites
She craves a love that fills endless nights
Unbowed by time, she remains steadfast in belief
For in her heart, love’s flame finds no relief
Her spirit unwavering her resolve pure as gold
She knows her true love will one day unfold
As the world continues its ceaseless spin
She waits for love’s embrace to draw her in
I'm not sure when the poem itself was written, as I've uploaded the rest I have into the draft section of this blog, however, I'm understanding more about my attachment to my ex-boyfriend, (who is not to be confused with my abusive ex-fiance). He never did say anything, and I don't expect him to at this point, and I'm finally okay with that. While I still think about him too often, it's getting better. While he was the only man that ever treated me decently, and I'm well aware of how I treated him, I know that I deserve so much more. I pour my heart and soul into people, at least these days I do. I also pour my heart and soul into myself now. I expect the same from a partner, even if they do have children. I realize that ghosting someone, according to a recent psychology research study, means you think you are protecting the persons feelings by saying nothing instead of providing rejection, but that's not the case, however, he did make it easier for me.
My attachment to him stems from the things I was going through during that period of my life. Longing for someone to treat me the way he did, before things got super, duper weird, the second time around. It's a trauma bond of sort, not that he was abusive, because he wasn't, but I've been drawn to him all these years because he was my safe haven during some super traumatic times. I'm sure there's more to this than I realize, but it's getting better. For me, that's progress just to unfriend him, knowing that my mental health will take a toll. I also recently gave a guy my phone number, and that dude was blocked within 3 days. (For another post) He was pushy and talking about getting married, spoiling me, and sending paragraph upon paragraph and 5-10 minute voicemails after me telling him repeatedly I'm busy. Yes, you read that right, THREE FREAKING DAYS. Dude is my neighbor, but anyway, that's also progress because a year ago, him and I would've been in a relationship.
I value, love, and respect myself, and I'm not willing to compromise on the simplest of boundaries. I'm in grad school, (2 accelerated classes at a time), in my internship, working odd jobs and I am constantly busy, even on the weekends. If you can't respect that, you're not for me. I have goals, and I'm no longer willing to give up my goals to please someone else. My goal is to please myself. Pun intended there, too. :)
The other day I dreamt about this ex of mine. I woke up smiling and realized I still have so much work to do, and still find myself thinking, "He's the one," but knowing he's not. If I can break the attachment with my mother, then I can break this one too, and I will, because again, I love and respect myself and I have some big goals and aspirations to attend to. :)
Comments