Anchored Heart

In the labyrinth of my mind, confusion reigns

Afraid to reveal, les affection wanes

A whirlwind of emotions, intense and real

To hold them in, my heart cannot seal

Can love exist when it’s unreciprocated?

Or am I lost in a love unanticipated?

Why cling to a past flame, refusing to let go

Is it madness, a longing I can’t forego?

Haunted by a memory, a touch long past

Yearning for a love that couldn’t last

Is it the echo of a taste never found

That keeps my heart anchored, bound?

This is just really bugging me. Somehow, my TikTok and Facebook algorithms are showing me videos about how silence means everything, and about how if a man wanted you, you would know. There’s a part of me that’s been hoping he’s taking his time to process since he has children. I don’t blame him if that’s the case. He only knows the crazy and psychotic version of me. I don’t expect him to believe I’m different, and I do expect him to think I’m insane for holding onto him all this time. My body is tense; I don’t like how I’ve been feeling about this. We should always be listening to our bodies, but I’m a hypocrite for saying that. I mostly just feel embarrassed now, for saying how I felt, but I’m trying to listen to the signs, and today is the day I check for a response, while in therapy. I honestly don’t know what to expect. Silence? Rejection? At this point, I definitely don’t expect reciprocation. He has ways to contact me. I now must come to terms with the fact that I’ve spent all these years thinking we have a chance someday in the future, while wasting and ignoring other opportunities. I’ll be sharing sappy country songs for the remainder of these poems, as I believe that’ll help me process. That is the music he and I bonded to, or better, fell in love to. It’s the words in the songs, the way he looked at me, and the things he sang to me.

#ShatteredDreams

#FalseHope